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6.30.2015

LOVING COLE.


I wish strangers knew his story. Maybe they would be more tolerant. Tonight, we went out and Cole was shrieking and an older man turned around and kept looking a us in DISGUST & ANGER, while shaking his head. The last time he turned around, he was about to say something and before he could, I told him, "he has Special Needs, I don't need you shaking your head at me!". I typically try to ignore the dirty looks and comments...but it's been a tough week & I crumbled. At first I was so angry & then I lost it...and cried in front of EVERYONE...it's been a few hours & the tears keep coming. I know he doesn't know Cole or us, but I feel like people treat us like we are "from another planet" and were thrown on the Earth to see if we could survive the constant mocking of Cole's behavior, sounds & movements...and the judgement from others, BECAUSE Cole looks like a typical 6 year old. And then getting the crap beaten out of us emotionally, physically & financially. I feel like a failure everyday, but at the same time, I feel proud of myself for making it through another  day. It's hard not to feel ALONE. That man doesn't know that we are BARELY "hanging on" & tonight, he stomped on my "fingers" while I continue to hand on for dear life. Regardless of what others might think or what I think of my self...I hope Cole knows how much I love him. Because of him, I am a better person. I hope he knows that I am trying my BEST, even though my "best" never feels good enough.

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