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Cole at 8 months (2 months before his seizures).
Looking at pictures of Cole before having seizures is a weird obsession of mine. I find my self watching videos of him or flipping through his baby book once a month. I don't know why I do it to my self, because it makes my heart break. I look at them and want to remember the milestones he made. I have this video of him waving at 7 months, and I watch it over and over and over. And as I watch it I am smiling ear to ear. Once it's over I feel sick, I didn't know at the time how heart breaking and happy it would make me feel 2 years down the road or knowing that it was the last time I would catch a glimpse of him waving to me. I wonder how he might have been or what his voice would sound like. Had I known this would have happened, I would have taken more videos of him. Instead of trying to get him to sleep through the night, I probably would have held him a little longer. He was such a happy and easy going baby, I almost feel like I lost a baby I've never lost. "A" hasn't looked at a photo or video of him before having seizures, it's too hard for him & I don't blame him. Now that I know it was inevitable because of the malformation, I am SO grateful to the Lord for letting me have those first 10 months of peace and bliss. I know the Lord is all powerful and he can work miracles. I pray that Cole will be one of his miracles.